What about setting examples?
I hear a lot of “Yes, there’s a real need for etiquette and
good manners training, ‘so and so’ really needs it”. Then they stop there. The following
thought that’s never voiced out loud is “but not me, I know everything I need
to know about the subject”. Believe me; I get this from 75% of the people I
talk to. No one admits that everybody, including themselves benefits from a
conscious effort to make manners a fixture in their lives. I don’t think people
are aware of the impact of failing to do so.
Last week I went to the closing sale at White’s Supermarket
in Warwick. Not an unexpected scenario – big crowds and long checkout lines. From
what I could observe, people were generally well mannered. I even noticed
people sharing shopping carts with strangers, an admirable thing to do. As I
stood in the checkout line chatting with others close to me we watched a nicely
dressed elderly woman glance in our direction then inserted herself into the
line several people ahead of us. I know she heard the comments a few people
made about what she’d done. She made a few more sideways glances at the people
behind her then ignored us all. One could say that as a senior citizen she should
be respected and I agree with that. What I had issue with was the way she
knowingly and intentionally disrespected everyone else by not asking if anyone
minded what she was doing or even making an excuse for her actions . Even a smile
and shy ‘thank you’ would probably have been jokingly accepted by others
patiently waiting in line. I can pretty much ‘read’ people and I’m willing to
bet that she would be quite vocal at injustices visited on her by other people.
This was not a life threatening situation that required urgency and she walked
right into the line displaying no disabilities (unless she considered her age
to be the disability). Was it worth the 20 minutes she saved? Bermuda is a
small place and though people in that line may not know her personally, her
actions will likely be the first thing they remember when they see her again. Already
a negative if she wants to make a good first impression some day. So what she
said was:
- · I’m better than you.
- · You’re not important enough to ask permission to displace you.
- · Do not deserve my respect.
- · This is how to get what you want - just take it.
A really bad
example for children observing this. Probably aware of all the above she just
didn’t care. And that’s the root of the problem – being so wrapped up in your
own needs you don’t care about others. It’s like crime. If you get away with it
once and it’s easy to convince yourself its normal behavior. You do it over and
over. And there are some people who will use her example as an excuse to behave
the same way. Small indiscretions add up, impacting the people around you and
the moral fabric of society.
Trudy Snaith, Etiquette
Consultant
